Alot has happened to me in the past few years. There have been tons of hurt and pain and suffering. Sometimes I feel like with everything that has happened, I was too young to handle it, and too weak.
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. -Phillipians 4:13
Everyone starts to have crushes in middle school, but I never had a major one till 8th grade. I had known this boy for about 3 years from church, and we went to youth together. During this time in my life, I had a low self esteem and did not feel very great about myself. My youth leader was always telling the girls "You are more beautiful than you know. You were created by an awesome God who loves you more than any man ever could." That cut me deep. Through all my complaining about my appearance and looks, He was there for me and continued to love me.
Summer came around and I began to forget about His love and power and the influence he had over me. I came to youth one day and the guy I liked, let's call him Pablo, told me he liked me. Okay so here's a little background on our relationship up until that moment...
1) We met each other at a church meeting and his mom worked at the hospital with my dad.
2) We hit it off amazingly and had so much in common
3) He became my best friend and the first person I would tell secrets to.
4) We had this incredible loving relationship where we would just build each other up through any hard time and tried to be an example to the younger kids. It was sorta like a missionary and his wife, except we were only 14.
So yeah, he tells me he likes me, how beautiful, amazing, funny, and intelligent I am. Not to mention he told me I meant the world to him. Then he kissed me goodnight. After that moment in time I believe my world changed a ton. I couldn't eat or sleep and the next time I saw him, I told him I wanted to forget about that kiss because it was so sudden.
2 weeks later he decided a relationship wasnt worth destroying our friendship and a month later he went to homecoming with my best friend, whom he had just met a couple months before. That ruined my entire freshman year. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, not to mention my respect for myself compleltely disappeared. I wouldn't talk to him at youth or church for 5 months and I cried so often. I blamed God for the pain I felt and the horrible things that had happened to me when in my mind, I had done nothing wrong. Eventually Pablo came around and asked my forgiveness for everything that happened, but it would be a long time before I genuinely forgave him.
On and on he would lead me to thinking he liked me again. I had no idea how to guard my heart. Every time I brought a girl friend to youth, he "fell in love" with them. It tore my heart to shreds over and over again.
My problem was not that I had crappy friends, or that I was ugly or indesirable. The major conflict going on with me was the fact that I had forgotten about the guy who loved me wayyy before I had ever met Pablo. The LORD, GOD ALMIGHTY, who made the heavens, the earth, sun, moon, stars, animals, and everything in the universe loved me FIRST. He had taken care of me all my life, and protected me, and I had been selfish enough to forget about him.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "
-1 Corinthians 13:4-7
This past summer, I went to this amazing place called Lake Phillpott for Camp Undignified. It was the church's summer camp for our youth group and I was so ready to give my all for God and just be touched my his gentle mercy. He went above and beyond my expectations that week. I made great new brothers and sisters in Christ and I felt Jesus's love so abounding that it overwhelmed me to the point of tears.
I guess through all of this, what I am trying to say is that God loves you SO much. You don't need a boyfriend or a girlfriend to make you content in life. And just because something bad happens in your life, doesn't mean God loves you any less. He never gives you more than you can handle, and only wants to make you stronger in whatever you go through. I had to learn many lessons in the past few years, but through all the pain God was with me, holding my hand. The amazing part about all this though? This wasn't a one time thing. God is still gonna be here for me till the day I die, and I'm going to continue to trust in Him and live for him so I can see him after this life. We haven't got much to lose, so we should take advantage of the lessons God gives us and accept every challenge to know He made the ultimate sacrifice to make any mountain managable.
This was my first blog post, and I would like to thank Kendall Scott for inspiring me to begin one. She is such a beautiful and wonderful reflection of God's love for me, and I have no idea what I would do without her.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13
