He is the Light

Last Friday at youth group I was talking to one of my good friends about God, joking around, and listening to music.  I went to get something to drink and when I came back, he was gone. Later on when he came back out of nowhere, it gave me the chance to fellowship with my other brothers and sisters in Christ.  My friend came back in the room holding tears back.

That night, he told me that one of his best friends since childhood had committed suicide two days earlier, and his body had just been found.  I could not believe it.  How was he able to hold it together, smile, and try to joke around with me about it?  However, the thing that was really hard to understand was why his friend would do that to himself.  I have never been so rock bottom that I thought the only solution was to take my own life.

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. "(Psalm 34:17)

I do not know this guy's story, but I do know that he was the son of a single mom who loved him dearly.  He was her only son.  And the fact that he couldn't recognize that love that she had for him really breaks my heart.  But, what kills me more than anything is the fact that he had someone who could provide him with so much more comfort than his mother ever could, and that person's name is Jesus.  He is able to calm any storm, to break down your spiritual barriers, and encompass you in a romance that you could never begin to understand.

For example, I love it how God uses his people to show people what love truly looks like.  That night, a boy from my school that I did not know well just happened to be visiting youth that night.  He was able to see a bunch of people from different backgrounds and walks to come together and support each other in a time of tragedy.  It's times like these when I get really excited and happy to know that I made the right choice when I accepted God into my life three years ago. 

Worship that night was incredible.  I felt like I just let go of everything, and handed it all to God to handle.  I know he is so much bigger than my issues and I am thankful for that, because he has the perfect answers to all of my questions. He made me realize something that night: Life is too short to become absorbed in the troubles of everyday life.  I have a purpose that God is waiting to fulfill in me everyday.  I just have to let him into my heart to mold and change it into the soul that it was always meant to be. 

It's like a song I've been obsessed with lately on Spirit Fm by Neworldson:

It's so much brighter living in your world
Savior what you did for me
You gave me something I want everyone to see
When we sttumble and it all goes wrong
Only you can make it right
So I say
Oh oh oh oh oh
I'm learning to be the light

I'm slowly learning how to let God guide my steps and trying not to worry so much about where the steps are going to take me.  I know that He would never lead me somewhere that he is not going to be already.  As long as I follow my heart in what God is telling me, I'm not so worried about what the future may bring anymore.  I want to be a light for others to see, so that they will want to feel a change in their souls as well :)

"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body".  -CS Lewis
 

Come Away with Me

Last night I went to a bible study that is related to Young Life called Campaigners.  I was excited to go because I knew it was a release from the stress of this week and a time to fellowship and hear what God wanted to say to me.  One of my friends taught the lesson, and it was basically about how we can be passionate towards God because he lives in us, and that is what he has called us to do,

He brought up a great question: What does worshipping for God look like?  People said many things, including serving others, loving people, being genuinely happy, singing to him, and praying.  After we had discussed that, he told us how Jesus had an intense love for us, so intense, that he was willing to die on a cross for us.

Hebrews 12:2 "....Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne."

Jesus was ELATED to suffer an unspeakable amount of pain and suffering if that's what it meant to get us to come follow him.  I believe that during the time of his crucifixtion, one of the things that got him through it was thinking about each and every one of us. That's what brought him joy. He had a passion for his children, and although he expected it in return, he gave us a choice and promised to love us regardless of what path we choose.

The points that my friend hit on passion and affection really hit home.  Lately, I have sort have been on a neutral level in my relationship with God, and I hate it.  It feels like I focus too much on the negative things going on in my life, whether it is fickle friends, controversies involving those who are supposed to be my role models, and still never having been in a relationship with someone.  But, when I think about it in my alone time with God, those things are so insignificant.  He loved me, still does love me for reasons I really cannot explain.  He created me even though he didn't need me, but he knew that I would need him.  He has given me everything he knows that I need right now, is teaching me, and protecting me from things so I can be strong enough to handle the future. I want to have a passion and affection for him that he's had for me.  I want people to be able to see him in my heart and want that for themselves.

When I think about all that God has done for me, I realize that I have given so little.  Yes, I know I will never even get close to giving everything back to God that I owe him, and I know that there will be tough mountains to climb, but I feel like lately I haven't been trying very hard to please him.  It's like I've heard him crying out to me but have tried to block it out of my hearing.  I don't want to be like that.  It makes me angry and confused.  I have nothing more that I should be doing in life than worshipping him in all that I do, whether that is through singing at church, washing the dishes, or driving my little brother to piano. 

He has given me everything I could ever need and all I have to do is trust him with my life.  There is no reason for me to hide my affections from him or anyone else.  I am the only one who can forget about the joy he has given me, but I don't want that.  Loving like Jesus loved, worshipping God, helping others, reading my bible, that will bring true joy.  When you are on a spiritual high with Jesus, living for him, and listening to what he has to say to you, everything else just falls right into place. 

James 4:10 "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."