Sound's a Little Too Fair...

"Well, I think I'll get into Heaven, I've done some good things. Hopefully when I die the good will outweigh the bad."
"Man, that's not how it works.  Think about it: A man murders and rapes 18 women and goes to court for it. The judge asks him what he has to say about it. What if the man said: Yeah, I messed up, but I've done some good things in my life!'   If the judge let him go, do you think that is fair?"
"Well no, not really..."
"Exactly! And that is how God works.  He is a just God, and a fair judge.  That's why he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross, and wash away our sins, so that when we acknowledge those sins and repent to God, we don't have to live an eternity of pain and suffering.  That's not to say we are going to be perfect all of the time, because we won't. But it assures us of an eternity with God in eternal happiness, but it only applies if you let Him into your life."

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." - John 14:6

These aren't the exact lines, but last week I watched a movie called Courageous.  In it, one of the characters believed that there was a God, but that you didn't have to be a Christian to live with him one day.  I love the way his friend handled the situation and explained to him the truth in a careful and loving way.  I wish those thoughts would come to my mind when I talk to a non Christian friend.  Hopefully God will give me a chance soon.

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." - Romans 6:23

I Look Up to the Sky and Say: You're Beautiful

Today I was working on a project with one of my good friends and we somehow got started on the topic of insecurities that we have.  Whether it was our noses, legs, or cheek bones, it seemed like there was always something wrong with is.  My friend told me that to rid herself of this insecurity, she would often compartmentalize these negative thoughts about herself and set them to the side because she hates "feeling ugly."

I can totally relate to her because I have struggled with the same things all my life since the beginning of middle school.  I know that most girls my age are supposed to be insecure about something, but I was ridiculous.  I would spend an hour trying to find clothes to wear that didn't make me too fat or lumpy or whatever. I started putting on way too much makeup and not eating enough.  None of it worked.  I felt disgusting, useless, and unwanted not only by any boy that I liked, but by my friends as well.  There were plenty of nights I would cry myself to sleep because I thought I was so hideous and would remain that way forever. 

But, there was one day two summers ago when I sang a solo for my church on a Sunday morning.  I DESPISED being on that stage where everyone could see me and I was afraid people would judge me because I was obviously not a sight for sore eyes.  But, after church my mom told me how many people, men and women alike, said that I had a beautiful voice and even more, a beautiful and gentle face that they admired.  I thought my mother was playing some kind of cruel joke on me, but she wasn't. They really thought I was pretty. I wasn't convinced.  In my mind, the only way to truly feel beautiful was for a guy to like me.  I know that sounds completely stupid, but it's how my brain worked back then.

I have always been the very helpful person that wants to care for people in any way she can and not expect a "thank you."  In my mind, God calls us to care for others so I felt as if it was my duty to love others and give them any advice I could in times of adversity.  I developed friendships with guys from my school and church as we coped with life and growing up and just venting whatever was on our hearts.  I still felt underappreciated and ugly at this point, however, until I went to a conference my sophmore year with my youth group.

One of the guys at this conference was a developing Christian rapper who had already gotten many record deals.  He recited a poem to us that addressed the upcoming generation: this was my generation.  "Girls, you are more than your curves and your makeup.  God made you in his image to be beautiful, and He intended for you to protect your body, which is a temple, until he shows you the person you were always destined to be with.  Guys, get rid of the tough macho act.  God can see right through you and he knows your weaknesses.  You are more than the alcohol, sex, and trouble you get into.  Be warriors for God, and show his daughters what real men are supposed to be like: the foundation and providers of a home."  It really got to me when he told me how God thought all of us girls were beautiful.  When he said it, I heard a voice in my brain say "Yeah, everyone except you."

This wasn't true though.  I had always told people that God was my main priority in life at that point, but until now I hadn't truly let him in or listened to what he had been telling me.  He was screaming "YOU ARE GORGEOUS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND JUST WANT TO CARE FOR YOU!"  It's really sad that I had been blind to this for so long.  Did I really think I was hideous when someone as perfect and beautiful as God created me?  1 Peter 3:3-4 states:“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

God wasn't and isn't so much concerned about my physical beauty as he is about the beauty within me, and in my spirit.  He gave me a voice that wants to sing for him, a gentle and understanding nature, ears to listen to others, and wisdom to guide and help them through His word and the experiences he has given me.  "the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness..."  THIS was the beauty I should have aimed to search for all along.  Instead of telling myself I was ugly and could make others happy but not myself,  I should have found peace in the fact that my Heavenly father will not leave of forsake me, and thinks I am the most precious being in the world.  No earthly love or tender feelings a young man has for me are going to compare to an eternity with the One who has taken my pain and iniquity in order to give me everything in return.  That's not to say that I do not want to marry and raise children, but I know it will happen in God's timing.  For now, I can look in the mirror and say to myself "I am a daughter of the invincible God, so how could I never believe that I am beautiful inside and out?" God doesn't make mistakes, so what makes me think he would start with me?

I hope that anyone who read this today, boy or girl, really dwells on this truth this weekend, next week, or whenever.  Our father, the God of the universe, the King of kings, the Alpha and Omega, the Savior, protecter, and healer, believes you are an extraordinary human being, man or woman.  Don't ever sell yourself short of that or settle for less than what God promises you.  If someone cannot see your true beauty through God's eyes, then they won't see it through anyone's.

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”

My World is Turning Upside Down

Lately I feel like life is becoming pretty crazy.  I have feelings for someone who confuses the heck out of me (I'm pretty sure I confuse them too because I act so stupid around them), I'm getting closer to old friends that seemed to be fading away, and I am actually getting along with the one person who made me miserable for so many years.  Through it all though, I've realized that there has been a change in me lately.  It's like I have the inkling to want to love people more, and care for them.  I want to be a Christ-like example and show others what God is doing in my life.   It's dawned on me that most of the time I complain about what's going on in my life or I pray to God to give me things when really He owes me nothing. He has already given me a life for eternity with him.  So, I decided that I am going to list everything on here that I am grateful he has given me.

1) A relationship with Him.  If it were not for the fact that I was reborn again 2 years ago at ADORE, a youth conference that I went to with my youth group, I have no idea where I would be right now. I would probably be dead or in jail from being involved with the wrong people.  He has kept me pure (and I intend to stay that way until marriage) and supplied me with a heart that wants to do his work and bring joy to the lives of others. No other person in this world could even dream of doing that, unless it is through Him.

2) A voice to sing for him and a strong will to BE MY OWN PERSON.  All my life I have loved to sing.  Whether it was in the shower, at school, or in church, it did not matter.  However, I was so shy and contained that voice inside of me, save for a few special people.  Now, I am a member of my church's worship team and an upcoming worship leader for my youth group.  Which brings me to another topic: leadership.  For some reason, the things that others did never really influenced my decisions.  I have my own opinion, and when I do, I stick to it.  It takes strength from God to be able to hold your ground and not change who you are for the people around you.  Even when I have had the opportunity to go my own way or be rebellious, I have not done it, but instead have tried my best to follow Him and lead others instead of being influenced by the lifestyles of the world.

3) My friends.  Friends that I know that I could not even begin to imagine living without.  I am even grateful for those friends who I no longer talk to any more.  Each and every one of them has taught me important life lessons, whether they intended to or not.  Through these relationships, I have learned to cope with pain, distrust, conflict, and deceit, but I have also experienced kindness, generosity, humor, and most importantly, love.  I never knew it was possible to care about other human beings the way I do, and so many others who know Jesus.  It's a love and a passion that God instills in you to change your heart, and it feels so great.  Just the fact that I can experience what Jesus meant for love to be is totally worth it.  Not only that, but God has saved me from the pain that goes along with relationships for the entirety of 16 years that I have been on this earth as I learn and see from the mistakes and tragedies of others who think they are ready to "date."  I'm not sure if I am ready to just yet, but I know that God has someone very special for me, that loves Him more than he loves me, and that is the way it was always meant to be. But for the time being, I continue to pray for that special guy, and when the time is right, we'll both know :)

4)  My mom who has never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself.  God has blessed her with such a profound amount of knowledge and He has always given her the right words to say to me.  Her encouragement and faith in me as her daughter is part of what has made me so strong for all these years.  She has been nothing short of perfect for me and I thank Him everyday that I have the privilege to learn from her and allow her to be a role model to me.

5) My physical and mental abilities.  I can run, jump, crawl, climb, get good grades, and most importantly, play tennis.  There are so many children in this world who grow up with mental disorders that prevent them from learning or make it very difficult for them.  I made straight a's all through elementary and middle school, and have a fairly good GPA in high school.  But I could not have done this without God's help, and the patience and peace that he has given me to stick to it and work hard.  Also, I have 20/20 vision, a healthy body, I can walk while others cannot, and I can play a sport that I have begun to fall in love with.   I know the passions that God has given me now are going to be for an awesome use later on. 

6)  The things that God has yet to do in my life.  I know that God is a just God, and he wants to nurture me into a strong daughter and warrior to aid him in advancing His kingdom.  I am thankful that he chose me when there are so many others that have yet to know Him.  I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given to witness to others and opportunities I will be given in the future.  I truly cannot wait to see what He has in store for me, it gives me chills just thinking about it.  And the fact that he will always have people by my side, and I for them, makes it even more exciting.  There's really nothing I could possibly complain about.  An eternity with the King of Kings sounds better than an earthly life full of luxuries. 

Psalm 27:4One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

He Thinks Flaws are in Vogue

It breaks my heart to see the ones I love hurting and confused.  It hurts even more so to know that there is nothing that I can do to help them when they are feeling this way.  When my friends tell me their struggles or I find out from others that they are suffering, every ounce of my being wants to help them cope and feel uplifted.  But, I am not capable of this.  Sometimes I think to myself: "I would take that pain from him or her if that's what it took to make them happier and relieved."

John 15:13"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Even though this thought passes through my head every once in a while, I realize that it seems pretty arrogant.  Would I REALLY take that pain away if I knew the cost of it? Would I REALLY risk my life to save someone else? It sounds shallow, but in the long scheme of things, probably not.  I'm not Jesus.  I wasn't sent down by God die a slow and painful death for all of humanity, whether those people loved me or not.  I could never experience that kind of pain, or have a love that great for others around me.

With this in mind, I truly do love those people who are suffering.  Jesus has allowed me to do that, because he IS the truth.. ("If you don't know truth, then you don't know love.")  So many times my friends and I beat ourselves up over making mistakes and giving in to the things of the world.  None of us are perfect. We can never live a life free of sin and imperfections.  It's just how it works.  We pretty much lost those privileges when Eve bit the apple.

To beat ourselves up for days and weeks and years about the mistakes we make in life is simply useless.  Not even as Christians will we be perfect every single second of the day and night.  But, that in mind, being human isn't a "free pass" for sinning and not holding yourself accountable for errors that you make.  If you find yourself whining because you screwed up or something blew up in your face, stop.  Jesus paid too large of a price for you to cry and whine every time you mess up. It was the ULTIMATE price so that you could be renewed and cleansed everytime you admit to your sins and ask forgivness.  Don't make it harder than it needs to be.  God is going to love you regardless of your flaws and mistakes.  That is why he created you.  When a true artist knows he has created his best work and the critics do not receive it, does he throw the work away? No, he puts it up for all to see when they walk into his house, because he is proud of it no matter what others think.  Don't worry too much about what others think of you when you mess up.  The last time I checked, they can't walk on water or bring a raging storm to rest.  Each and every one of you are the most beautiful and pure being that God has ever seen, and he wants to look past your transgressions so he can nurture you, uplift you, and bring you life. 

1 Corinthians 13:12 "Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."

There is No Such Thing as Normal

Today at church the sermon revloved around the fact that God can all use us to advance His kingdom and be an influence to those around us.  We can all be "pillars" in the church. This includes standing strong in our faith, being supportive of those who need it and weathering any storm that hits you, no matter how bad it is.  It hit me hard that I want to be a pillar in the church.  I find it exciting to be able to be that light unto others and make them feel loved and see the love that God has for them.

Lately I have been talking to my friends about life in general, ad especially to my friends who follow God or know him.  They often become confused in a world where morals are twisted and standards are at an all time low.  Some common things I hear are "Why can't we do this? Isn't that a normal teenage thing to do?"  There are plenty of times when I have even thought this myself.  But, the point is, as Christian teenagers, we ARE NOT normal, nor will we ever be.  The day we decided to let God take control of our lives and guide us, was the moment we turned away from the idea of ever being like the rest of the world.

In the long scheme of things, I'd rather be abnormal in this world.  Normal is so boring, and it just leaves you empty in the long run.  God doesn't ask much of us, just that we love Him and live our lives for him.  Being normal and liviing the way those around you do will not save you or give you a better life, because this one on earth is nothing compared to that when we all die. Giving in to the  partying, sex, and drugs of this generation to become normal simply isn't worth it.  Why would you ever feel bad for being different when the only true difference is that you can experience love on a completely different level?

Anyway, that was just on my heart to share.  I felt like someone (idk who) needed to read this today.  You aren't alone.  There is a savior who loves you for your flaws and insecurities and wants to care for you.  If being NORMAL means I miss out an eternity on the One who is responsible for everything that I have, it's totally not worth it.  Being labeled a Jesus Freak sounds pretty good to me :)